Happy Haunting from the Broken Heart Dolls

University Study Explains Mass Appeal of Broken Heart Dolls

Study Notes Popular Plush Characters’ Emotional  Appeal

SAN FRANCISCO – Dec 1, 2008

The following is an excerpt from a sociological seminar at Yale University’s School of Interspontaneous Media where Professor Ludwig Scwarzenahgerdhtiski attempted to explain the physiological reflex, observed in human subjects, which causes an involuntary urge to squeeze, and to not let go of, the revolutionary product known as a Broken Heart Doll (BHD).

The Anatomy of a Broken Heart Doll

First, observe the body.

As Professor Scwarzenahgerdhtiski noted with such clarity of genius, the exquisitely plump, round and slightly bulbous torso reminds the human subject of a safe and “more fulfilling” time. The chubby cushy extremity is in direct contrast to the prevailing standard of lean athleticism and muscle definition, notions that exist solely to pummel humans into feelings of profound inferiority for the rest of their lives. Who does not want the simple release that comes from indulging in forbidden fruit? Just ask Adam and Eve.

Reinforcing this notion of “fullness,” the shape of the BHD, an over-enlarged, bloated and engorged HEART, has the added effect of creating a “hell with it all” frenzy that is at once refreshing, tempting, and compulsively off-limits.

After a two million dollar research grant, Professor Scwarzenahgerdhtiski’s intriguing hypothesis suggests that by simply holding a BHD, there is a primal release of such magnitude that a magnetic force actually synchronizes the moon’s gravitational pull with the subject’s heartbeat. How weird is that? So it all comes full circle, as if it is meant to be. Heady stuff!

Professor Scwarzenahgerdhtiski’s conclusion to this fascinating study is that humans should not avoid a BHD, as has recently been observed from the political right.  On the contrary the BHD exhibits the very attributes that humans long to reconnect with in troubling times. This is one addiction (finally) that is clearly good for you.

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This article is not based on fact.

TDMonthly checks out the Broken Heart Dolls

Toy Directory’s TD Monthly made a video of the Broken Heart Doll.s We can’t embed it, but you can check it out here: